he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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