I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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