i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she peed on how many people?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
