Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
