this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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