Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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