I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
