I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
