How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
