i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
