bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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