Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
