Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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