Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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