hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
