i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
