While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
