Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
