Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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