your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
