So drunk its hurt
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
