so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
