If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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