he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
