my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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