It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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