does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
