ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
