Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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