So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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