This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
