OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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