I CAN MOONWALK!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have fence marks all over my body
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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