I met the friendliest cop last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
