You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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