dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
