I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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