my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
