Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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