Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
