she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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