Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
