South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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