The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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