he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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