she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
