he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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