the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
