Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
