i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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