Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
