who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
